Cat Haikus

by Heather on January 29th, 2008

cats

These haikus “written by” cats have been floating around online for years and I finally came across them again last night:

The food in my bowl
Is old, and more to the point
Contains no tuna.

So you want to play.
Will I claw at dancing string?
Your ankle’s closer.

There’s no dignity
In being sick - which is why
I don’t tell you where.

Seeking solitude
I am locked in the closet.
For once I need you.

Tiny can, dumped in
Plastic bowl. Presentation,
One star; service: none.

Am I in your way?
You seem to have it backwards:
This pillow’s taken.

Your mouth is moving
Up and down, emitting noise.
I’ve lost interest.

My brain: walnut-sized.
Yours: largest among primates.
Yet, who leaves for work?

Most problems can be
Ignored. The more difficult
Ones can be slept through.

Cats can’t steal the breath
Of children. But if my tail’s
Pulled again, I’ll learn.

I don’t mind being
Teased, any more than you mind
A skin graft or two.

So you call this thing
Your “cat carrier.” I call
These my “blades of death.”

Toy mice, dancing yarn
Meowing sounds. I’m convinced:
You’re an idiot.

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